Why is it that we get so excited in anticipation of spending time with our family during the holidays, then get even more excited about spending time without them after the holidays? Is it because we revert to our 12-year-old selves when we are with them or because for some reason we feel we can be brutally honest with family?

Some of the family antics are due to the varieties of opinions and personalities that exist within a family. Others come from people who tend to invite drama into their lives all year long. Family dynamics (or should I say dysfunctions) are unavoidable and are something we all have in common (don’t let the Joneses fool you; we all have our issues). Given that a little family drama is unavoidable, here are a few suggestions for making your family time special and somewhat drama-free this holiday season:

Share responsibilities.  Include your family in planning and preparations. If you are the host, delegate responsibilities such as cooking, entertaining the kids, or setting the table. Give everyone a task. If you are at someone else’s home, chip in as much as they will let you—be helpful without waiting to be asked.  

Set reasonable expectations. Let go of picture perfect expectations of family. If you find that every year you wind up feeling frustrated with your sister for commenting on your appearance or that your Uncle Joe will inevitably upset you by making an inappropriate comment, then don’t think it’s going to be different this year.  If you’re prepared for something, it is often easier to let it roll off your shoulders.  Just remind yourself that you love them and focus on the positive.    
 
Volunteer together.  Altruism is a powerful thing.  It’s amazing how working toward a cause bigger than ourselves or serving others less fortunate can put our own problems and gripes with one another into perspective. Gather your family and volunteer your time in a soup kitchen, take a family trip to the mall to buy gifts for a toy drive, or donate time to your church or synagogue. At the very least, it gets everyone out of the house for a while!  
 
Maintain your sense of humor. Jimmy Buffet said it best:  “If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane."  He must have been thinking about family when he wrote that line. Find humor in your families antics and even in your own.  This will make everything more bearable. 
 
Take care of yourself. Don’t forget about yourself.  Make time to exercise, take a break, and do the things that are important to you. If you are healthy and feel well, you will be much better prepared to take on the family drama as well as be on your best behavior.  
 
Focus on the true meaning of the season and the importance of family.   Remember to reflect on your priorities, ask yourself:

• What would you like your most cherished memories to be when you look back on these special times? 
• How important is your family to you—not only during the holidays, but also throughout the year?

Most of all, focus on having fun.

Written By:
Danielle Messick, LPC
Wellness Coalition America